Why is it I want to hide when I get to the end of myself?
And I get there often.
It’s big things, small things, anywhere in-between things.
But I think getting to the end of myself is exactly where I need to stay. I forget that in these times when I feel weak and vulnerable, I’m also in the perfect position to be teachable and dependent in the One who should be my true Strength, Shelter, Wisdom and Confidence.
Of course this doesn’t mean I wallow around in self-pity or low self-esteem. It also doesn’t mean I walk around like a doormat or wimp. It means I glory in who God is and what He can do in and through me as I hide my weak, fleshy self in Him. It is then that I can hold my head high. I’m learning…struggling, honestly…to live this out consistently, but thankfully, the Lord has given me reminders in His Word over and over again:
He says in 2 Corinthians 12, “My grace is sufficient for you, for my power is made perfect in weakness.” Then I’m told to “boast all the more gladly about my weaknesses so that Christ’s power may rest on me.” He reminds me not to lose heart in 2 Corinthians 4, because my light and momentary troubles are achieving for me an eternal glory that far outweighs them all.
So, I can boast that I have bad mommy days and sometimes I feel like the worst wife on the planet. I can share that I’ve struggled with mild depression and mood swings my whole life. My house is a wreck more often than I’d like to admit, and usually because I haven’t organized my time well or kept my priorities in order. I’m selfish. I make the same mistakes over and over again.
But I won’t stop my boasting there. The Lord is my Stronghold, my Deliverer, my Teacher, my Counselor, my Guide, my Helper, my gracious Forgiver, my Completer, my Potter, my Shepherd and my very VERY Best Friend. He doesn’t shift when I do. He never fails like I do. My flaws are not a surprise to Him. His mercies are new and available to me every single hour of every day, even though I don’t deserve a lick of them. Nothing is impossible for Him, even ironing out my wrinkliest weaknesses. He says, “Forget the former things; do not dwell on the past. See, I am doing a new thing!” (Isaiah 43:18)
Yes, I get to the end of myself, and I get there often. But even more often, I’m out of breath running to the One who was waiting for me to get there in the first place. I love my Jesus, and I won’t hide that from anyone.
Set your minds on things above, not on earthly things. For you died, and your life is now hidden with Christ in God. When Christ, who is your life, appears, then you also will appear with him in glory. Colossians 3:2-4, NIV
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