You put your left arm in,
You put your left arm out,
You put your left arm in
& shake it all about…
And that’s where the song’s ended for me lately. The left part of my body with its groove on…the right side, choked out.
I cannot tell you how much all of your email and Facebook inquiries have meant to me, and I promise I haven’t meant to be secretive…just barely able to communicate by type. I was just about ready to pull out the video camera for a vlog…then my hubby bought me an awesome blue tooth, to which I connected the voice recording option on my keyboard. So it’s pretty cool.
Considering I’m thousands of emails and all kinds of other deadlines behind, I’m thankful for another way to communicate, even though this has its limits too as I correct the wrong words the audio recording lays forth (and there’s some funny ones).
I won’t bore you with my situation except to say that I’ve been having some spine and nerve issues since the end of August. I wrote a little about it in this post: Thorn In My Flesh. It started out in my sciatic nerve in the right leg and moved upward to my right neck, arm & shoulder. It worsened to the point that I could not do anything with my right shoulder without excruciating pain. I had no idea how many things I use my right shoulder for! I’m undergoing treatment from a medical doctor after the alternative treatments I was trying were not able to solve the problem. I’ve seen slight improvement, and I’m hopeful it will continue to get better. My next appointment is on Tuesday, where I hope to get even more answers and relief.
God has already taught me many MANY lessons and truths through this trial. I’ve had a lot of time to talk to Him, though listening to Him has not been quite as easy with Pain’s voice loud in my ear. Since I haven’t even been able to pick up my Bible or write in my journal or anything like that, I finally started listening to the Bible online, as well as some old messages from my church. It has truly helped my spirits.
The lesson at the forefront of my mind right now is that complete dependence on God is never a bad thing. I may feel weak and pathetic in other’s eyes, but He truly shows Himself strong, and I’m amazed by Him.
The other main thing is the fact that I cannot believe there are people who suffer like this every single day of their lives. Every day. EVERY DAY. I will never judge another person’s pain, or their strength (or the lack of it), or even try to step a moment in their shoes ever again. When someone tells me they are hurting, I have a new heart to pray for them…like I always have, but way more. And more authentically so. And I will choose my words of comfort & encouragement carefully, most of the time probably not offering words at all, listening ever so carefully for the Lord’s prompting of how to lift the other person up.
So all of this rambling is just to say that I’m thankful I’ve gone through this. I hope I don’t have to endure it forever, but God has not wasted it. Many tears. Many wails. Many winces. Many begging prayers. And yet the Lord remains calm, steadfast, faithful, with wide, strong, capable shoulders in place of my weak ones.
I’ll put my whole self in,
I’ll put my whole self out,
I’ll put my whole self in,
& let God change me inside out.
Cuz that’s what it’s all about.
“I have been crucified with Christ and I no longer live, but Christ lives in me.
The life I live in the body, I live by faith in the Son of God,
who loved me and gave himself for me.”
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