Why is it I want to hide when I get to the end of myself?
And I get there often.
It’s big things, small things, anywhere in-between things. I forget that the Lord allows me to be weak and vulnerable and teachable and dependent so that He can be my true Strength and Shelter and Wisdom and Confidence.
Of course this doesn’t mean I wallow around in self-pity or low self-esteem. It means I glory in who He is and what He can do in and through me as I hide myself in Him. I’m learning…struggling, honestly…to live this out consistently, but thankfully, the Lord has given me reminders in His Word over and over again:
He says in 2 Corinthians 12, “My grace is sufficient for you, for my power is made perfect in weakness.” Then I’m told to “boast all the more gladly about my weaknesses so that Christ’s power may rest on me.” He reminds me not to lose heart in 2 Corinthians 4, because my light and momentary troubles are achieving for me an eternal glory that far outweighs them all.
So, I can boast that I have bad mommy days and sometimes I feel like the worst wife on the planet. I can share that I’ve struggled with mild depression and mood swings my whole life. My house is a wreck more often than I’d like to admit, and usually because I haven’t organized my time well or kept my priorities in order. I’m selfish. I make the same mistakes over and over again.
But I won’t stop my boasting there. The Lord is my Stronghold, my Deliverer, my Teacher, my Counselor, my Guide, my Helper, my gracious Forgiver, my Completer, my Potter, my Shepherd and my very VERY Best Friend. My flaws are not a surprise to Him. His mercies are new and available to me every single hour of every day. Nothing is impossible for Him, even ironing out my wrinkliest weaknesses. He says, “Forget the former things; do not dwell on the past. See, I am doing a new thing!” (Isaiah 43:18) And I pray to be obedient in whatever changes He leads me to make.
Yes, I get to the end of myself, and I get there often. But even more often, I’m out of breath running to the One who was waiting for me to get there in the first place. I love my Jesus, and I won’t hide that from anyone.
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